Hey Knoxville: We’re Bigger AND Sweatier Than You

In yet another measure of Chattanooga’s burgeoning “Number 3″ status, the Scenic City beat out Knoxville in a “sweatiest city” survey conducted by deodorant maker Old Spice.

Knoxville TV station WBIR lamented the ranking, saying that Knoxville came in “behind every other major city in Tennessee.” That’s right. We’re a major city. And we’re ahead of you, Knoxville. Chattanooga is the 34th sweatiest city, while Knoxville is a mere 41st.

Nashville landed a respectable 27th, while Memphis can’t be touched in its, erm, cool fifth-place spot.

But let’s not forget the main point: In the Volunteer State, Chattanooga’s aspirations (or, in this case, perspirations) have been realized. We’re Number 3.

This story is satire.