Voting is important, and you should go to the polls with the best possible information about the candidates. I've done all the research so you don't have to. Here are my picks. Vote with confidence.
CHATTANOOGA CITY MAYOR:
My pick: Ron Littlefield After much soul searching, I am willing to give Mayor Littlefield another term to achieve all of the things that he wants you to think he achieved during his first term.
CHATTANOOGA CITY COUNCIL:
District 1 My pick: Linda Bennett Linda Bennett is City Council Chairwoman. She has nice signs, and if she wasn't re-elected, the city would have to waste a bunch of time doing things like getting new business cards for the new chairperson, removing her name from the city's Web site, and showing her successor how to properly record his or her outgoing voicemail message. The City of Chattanooga doesn't have time for that. I don't hear a lot of people complaining about Linda. I don't think she deals coke, and I'm pretty sure she's got her whole "this-is-where-I-really-live" thing all squared away. Vote for Linda. There are others on the council who are much worse.
District 2 My pick: The Bible So, it seems that Sally Robinson's "free speech zones" idea has made it all the way to the ballot, as she has somehow managed to run unopposed in this race. I don't believe in "free speech zones," and, as a protest vote against Councilwoman Robinson, I urge you to write in the name of your favorite street preacher instead.
District 3 My Pick: George Patten George Patten is a real estate broker. Real estate brokers always make great City Council members.
District 4 My pick: Jack Benson Who will ever forget Mr. Benson's crusade against the proudly fluorescent Goo Goo Car Wash on Gunbarrel Road back in 2004? Or his opposition to Christopher Fennell's "Rail Wave" sculpture? Or his outrage at the mannequin heads on Chaya Anavi's front lawn on Concord Road? Jack Benson wants to protect you from art. Somebody has to do it in this city. The fact that he's running unopposed is just gravy.
District 5 My pick: Russell Gilbert The SEIU has endorsed Russell Gilbert. They have instructed me that I am to do the same.
District 6 My Pick: Marti Rutherford Marti Rutherford is a dynamo of civic dedication. Few love their community as much as she does, and her energy is unmatched. You might say it's like she's always in two places at once.
District 7 My pick: Manny Rico Manny is a proud leader of his district, and has run a successful headstone business for several years—which is convenient, as it's not a bad idea to know a good headstone guy if you spend any time in District 7.
District 8 My pick: Leamon Pierce I don't want any trouble. Here's my vote. Take it. Just don't hurt me, Councilman Pierce.
District 9 My pick: Quenston Coleman At last count, there are 186 people running for the District 9 seat. With so many good candidates, it's hard to pick a favorite. As it stands, Quenston Coleman has the coolest name, so I'll go with him.
Chad Newton is the bureau chief of the Weekly World Noog. This story is satire.
Tiffanie on Feb. 27, 2009
Thank you for the insight. I'm going to take your advice and go vote right away!!
Youll-Be-Sorry-Chattanooga on March 9, 2009
You selected Littlefield to be mayor again. How shameful. The guy is a JERK and will run Chat into the ground, because he has no reason not to. Ever heard of Bush complex? Re-elect the schmoo, and he'll be O.K. for about 40 months, then go on a tear the final eight. Well, you will get what you asked for Chattanooga. No regrets, right?